Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Diving into a Pool of Despair, or How a Lightwork Comes by Their Necklace of Hidden Jewels & Pearls of Wisdom

I mark this first half of November as an anniversary of sorts.  Last year at this time, a new neighbor invited me to join her in taking a journalling class.  It all unfolded as a loving, helping hand, the one I sorely needed, reaching down to assist me in climbing out of a very deep dark hole I was engulfed in.

And this past year has been a year of immense growth, expansion, wonder, and progress on the continuous path of ascension.  A year of finding courage, expanding perspectives, welcoming epiphanies, identifying, releasing and replacing limiting beliefs, clearing old energy patterns, and deepening my understanding of myself and how we create through our consciousness.  There has been so much to celebrate.  My friendship with the new neighbor has become one of dear, trusted allies on the path.  One afternoon this past July, she shook her head and said that she could hardly believe I was the same person she'd first met last November.

Yet still, as I strive to shift my circumstances and create the life I want, one that truly reflects who I am now, I come up against one obstacle after another.  It's been maddeningly frustrating.  I keep bringing myself back to center, tune up my frequency, take action towards what I want to create, trust and believe in our power, my power, to manifest with grace and ease.  Applying all that I know as the process of creation.  Hitting another obstacle, pressing forward, looking deeper within to uncover what inside is creating the resistance I chafe against.

With the transition through the September Equinox, and full lunar eclipse, we have moved into uncharted territory, one that supports our ever increasing capacities to master the use of our thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and inspirations to create what is good for us and so equally good for all.  The obstacles we encounter now are reflections of inner resistance and discord.  They always have been, only now we have the capacity to observe and understand this process.  And now the process of manifestation unfolds into the material so much faster than before.

I've been watching my hidden inner discord manifest as obstacles.  It's at times a stunning demonstration of my ability to create.  I can feel the power.  But who  on Earth wants to excel at creating obstacles for oneself??? Not I.  Not you either, I'm sure.  I want to create what is good and beautiful and what supports and nurtures the expansion of consciousness within humanity on Earth.  The journey has been long and it's now our time for living in joy.

Last night after reading who-you-are-becoming, the latest channelled message from Meredith Murphy, I connected to my Divine Self and asked once again for inner knowing about the limiting beliefs and emotional vibrations within that are getting in my way.  The answers came so quickly.  First I saw with clarity, a pattern of avoidance I operate in about so many things in my life - creating my new business, creative projects in my home, reaching out to connect with others.  The pattern is immense and pervasive. Then came the knowing of where this pattern arose.  It's a pattern born, despite putting forth great dedication and perseverance, and obtaining much accomplishment, of experiencing in my career immense anguish, defeat, and despair.  The depth of these feelings has been so large, I've cordoned them off and avoided them, as well as anything that even remotely resembled work.  It's never been my style to avoid tough issues and feelings.  For more than thirty years I've ventured in to feel, sort, learn, and resolve the pain I've experience.  Why  would I create a pattern of avoidance this time.  I sense my fears arise due to the enormity of it all.  And feeling defeated.

Inner knowing is always right.  And as confirmation, there it is, a big murky pool of anguish, despair and defeat I've buried within because it's felt too large to deal with.  As if avoidance ever works.  Dealing with the consequences, the unwanted manifestations arising as a result of this unresolved pool of pain, is now totally unacceptable to me.

So today is journalling day.  Avoid no more!  I'm diving inward with uncompromising courage to explore the depths, sort and release these painful emotions.  I'll rewrite my stories about my career experiences, examine the limiting beliefs that create resistance and obstacles, and draft the new empowering beliefs I choose for their replacement.  Basically clean out Fibber Magee's closet, as it were.  It is my intention to emerge from this process re-newed in spirit, re-freshed in confidence and self-trust.  To realize more fully who I am, and in the process come into possession of some new pearls of wisdom for my necklace.  You see, one of the added perks of being a Lightworker is that along the often arduous path of ascension, we pick up hidden jewels and pearls of wisdom along the way.

Onwards into the depths!