Monday, April 12, 2010

Holding Hands

Oh what love, holding my daughter's hand, so small within mine. She always accepted my hand. Not like so many children who find the game in running just out of reach. No, she always took mine. She continued to do so even as she grew past the age that it was required for her safety. How big a gift could one person give as that?

There was a period in her middle years when I let go of her hand often when we walked together, until finally she asked me why. Doing so had not been conscious on my part and to learn of my reflexive action erupted such sadness and the horror that I'd give such a strong message counter to my heart. It was a difficult span of years, not with her, but my discovery that I couldn't reach my husband within the marriage in which I'd placed such hope. Perhaps it was my deep feelings of unworthiness and unlovableness that led me to drop her hand, as if even she couldn't possibly love me.

It still makes me sad, fills me with regret to think that I could have dropped her small hand when we walked back in that time. Yet there is solace now. Even though she is grown and on the threshold of starting her own family, she will let me take her hand when we walk out together.

How many images and words and expressions are contained in this simple act of holding my daughter's hand, and her mine. It is our statement to the world. It is our quiet agreement, our magic created out of the string of days and years we've walked through together.

Bathing in the Showers of Light

Highly vibrating energy streams down upon the planet now. Showering all around us, within us. Like fireworks in reverse, the golden energy shouts down towards us, then disperses into a shower of light fragments. Like "Faerie Dust" Karen Bishop so accurately described it in her most recent post on Emerging Earth Angels. Do you notice it? Feel it moving all around and within you? Experience the Light changing everything on every level of awareness?

As these higher vibrations permeate through everything, it's shaking up anything dark within us - fear, anger, pain, disapointment, desperation, judgment.... Like beating the carpet of our interior, clearing out any dark impurities in our thoughts, emotions, and body, so that we may release these energies we no longer need or want to hold in our being. It's happening both within us and around us on the global stage. The light forces illuminating and exposing the darkness that has controlled our world by illusion for so very long. As the Light Force moves in and expands, the dark energies have less space to occupy. They are becoming more concentrated as they evaporate. They're struggling desperately and in vain to hold their grip, but it's slipping rapidly. They can no longer hide behind secrets, lies, and illusion as more and more people wake up and see through the illusions to the Truth.

On a physical level, I feel great change happening in my body. Standing and walking I feel a strength, power, and groundedness I've not felt as strongly as I do now. My posture now is naturally so erect, yet at ease. It feels as if I'm larger and so much more fully present in my body. Sometimes my foot cramps up uncontrollably, then it passes. A couple of people I know have reported this same occurrence in the past few weeks, a side effect of our taking in this strong, highly vibrating energy and helping to anchor it into the Earth.

Alternating with the expanding sense of power, is tiredness. I'm finding that most days I need to take a nap. Even if I'm not super tired, I fall asleep instantly the moment I lie down and sleep so very deeply. Yet even the tiredness has a pleasantness to it. I experience it as a deep contentment, a relaxing in, and an exceedingly deep relief, as if finally after such a long wait everything is becoming as it should have been all along.

At the emotional level, in the past few days a situation arose with someone I know that echos and mirrors a painful dynamic from my childhood with my mother that took a long time and much effort to work through. The situation presented it's self almost like a test for me to see whether I had really worked through the issue from my upbringing. It was also very mild and I see this recent situation as a rising up of the last dusty remnants of the hurt and anguish and disappointment I'd worked through over the relationship with my mother. It's also been extremely easy to let go of, something I no longer need or want. At the same time, my feelings of joy, contentment, gratitude, peace, and deep appreciation for every singe thing swell and swell within me. Happiness and love expanding within me to levels I've never experienced before. At least not in this lifetime till now. It's all so awesome. This morning I've been so filled with awe that I'd be quite content to just sit quietly throughout the day and simply revel in joy and wonder.

All really is in Divine Order.