I had a long conversation last night with my inner child. I've been searching for paid employment and meeting much internal resistance. Which was perfectly reflected in the outer world.
My close friend, Julia, is in knowledgeable in Huna, a Hawaiian healing tradition. She's posted a couple of pieces on her blog, Cosmic Calabash, about the three selves in Huna. It's a wonderful conceptual framework for working through internal resistance and integrating your selves. Lower Self is the child, the creative, playful aspect of Self, which rules the body. Like a child, this aspect of our self can be irrational and stubborn, especially when we don't listen and alleviate concerns. Middle self is the parent or teacher, the rational, logic self, the place where we mostly operate. Higher Self is the grandparent, our inner wisdom, our expansive self. The Higher Self can't come in to join the family at the table, unless the Middle Self is parenting the Lower Self. As Julia explains, most of our problems arise from not listening to and parenting our inner child.
The conversation between my Inner Child and Middle Self, turned out to be quite helpful. She shared with me the fact that in most every job I've (we've) had, there was an issue about not being compensated, either being underpaid, not receiving promised raises for some reason, a university employer reneging on the salary offered after I started work based on a technicality about which degrees I had when they'd been clearly and honestly provided up front on my resume, or clients who got into financial straights and never paid for work completed. I'd not recognized before that there were compensation issues throughout my work history. I was however, very aware of her other complaint that quite often my dedication, time and effort was not really appreciated or acknowledged. Once her observations and complaints about our work history were expressed, it was easy for me to understand my Inner Child's reluctance to get back in one of those situations again. Can't blame her at all.
Over the course of our conversation, I, the Middle Self, both listened and acknowledged what I heard from my Inner Child. Then in parenting, I pointed out to her that we have also been recognized and received much appreciation for our work. And for the most part we've been regularly compensated for our work, sometimes, very well. Most importantly, things are very different now. We are in a very different place, thanks in large part to her. We are more whole. We've accomplished great healing and growth over the last three years. Perhaps most significantly, we now value and appreciate our self, our talents, sensitivities, and perceptions in ways we never did before. Which changes everything. When we love, value, and appreciate our self, then it is reflected in the outer world and we receive it in return. We couldn't have done this without her.
Taking the time for this conversation, part internal dialogue, part journaling, was immediately worth while. The block I'd had about pursuing a prospective employer vanished. The heart and humanity I wanted to express in my cover letter flowed easily once my Child Self was helping, rather than resisting.
Besides, the healing community where we (Middle and Higher Selves) want to work is really awesome. My Inner Child saw that when we finished the cover letter and hand-delivered our resume this afternoon. The facility looks like a cross between a resort and summer camp, with the mountains stretched out in the distance around the property. A strong sense of freedom, creativity, and plain old human-ness abound. My Inner Child will like it there. Will they have a job for me? I don't know, but they'd be crazy not to, given all I (all Selves) have to offer.
The right thing is what always happens. I'll trust the process and have faith that I am in union with all good things. Because I am.
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